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“You’re not helping, Lissa,” I sighed.“What else did she say?”“Nothing, and that’s what concerns me. She started to, then decided not to, and when I asked, she said ‘not now’.”“And you’re worried that this will bother her if you don’t talk about it, but you’re frightened that if you do talk about it, it might end in disaster.”“It could end in disaster either way,” I sighed. “I told her I wasn’t a virgin to try to head off what I knew would be a difficult conversation fraught with all kinds of peril.”“I don’t think you have a choice now. I’m no expert on relationships, but if you leave it unresolved, it’ll fester and create huge problems in the future.”“I’d say that’s very likely to be the case, which means I need to have an uncomfortable conversation with her.”“One you would have needed to have with Tasha as well.”“I think once she had her confrontation with Janey, there wasn’t ever going to be a problem. And you know what she said to Janey!”“That was epic! I just wish we could have. I simply couldn't relax into enjoying it and I kept snapping back to the reality of fumbling with this alien anatomy. The idea of jumping into bed with a man appealed to me no more than it had when I was a man myself. The prospect of sex with a woman felt a bit better, but even then I couldn't get past the feeling of wrongness in myself. How could I be intimate with someone else when I could hardly stand being in bed with myself?With Tina, though, the barriers were already falling down. Without meaning to, I'd let her in. In comparison to what I'd already been through to get there that night, the sex almost seemed trivial.We took our time. Neither of us was exactly young, and while there was passion it fell into place behind a simple sharing of closeness. We fondled and sucked and rolled around in awkward permutations of elbows and knees. We laughed a lot and I may have cried quietly in the first quiet post-coital interlude. We even managed a kind of penetration. I was a.
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